London

A Reflection

Photo Credit: Emilio Ramos

my first memory of london
was how hard the floor was
at an imperial college dormitory
where my sleeping bag couldn’t keep me warm in the winter
but spending time with my childhood friend
my friend who i just came out to
my friend who i definitely had a crush on
i had everything a 20 year old needed
despite how i was the first queer person in his life
despite how overcast it was
despite how wet my shoes got because of the rain
everything was perfect in london

if britain never colonized the world
if britain never colonized singapore
would britain be the country it is today?
would singapore be the country it is today?
would i be the person i am today
in between two worlds?

my second memory of london
was how small the seats were
in the olivier theatre at the national
where i leaned in as the actor playing gandhi ran his fingers through a stream of salt falling from the ceiling
but spending time with my college friend
my friend who invited me to sing at his london debut
my friend who introduced me to his london boyfriend
i had everything a 30 year old needed
despite how wary i was of opportunities in the country
despite the world had just shut down
despite how little i knew about politics
everything was perfect in london

if britain never colonized the world
if britain never colonized america
would britain be the country it is today?
would america be the country it is today?
would i be the person i am today
in between two worlds?

my recent memory of london
is how bright the lights are
at the basement black box studio of an Off West End theatre